The sooner the better

Should I or shouldn’t I? Should I go back to the studio, to the gym I loved so much?. I don’t feel like signing any contracts, any long term commitment is not the right thing to do but what about all the success that comes with commitment? the fit body and the extra productive hours at work? I know there is more to it. I got used to working at home, less expenses and no traffic but It will not get easy with time. I just have to jump. The sooner the better.  

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Can’t we choose to care?

I saw her talking today and started crying. She is young, smart, and Heartbroken. She is talking about Injustice in a world we shouldn't be using this word anymore. How come we are still here?. Is it because of ignorance, it is because wars have to be in history pages? It is because it makes you feel better knowing you are better than others?. Can’t we live without compressing? There are so many things we don’t get to chose in life but what we can choose- can’t we choose better. can’t we choose kindness?. can’t we choose to care?

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It is the new Me

I can’t stay still. It is the new Me. No days off. No watching tv, no talking on the phone, no nothing. It is all about work now. That is my fun. I can take a day off, nothing will happen but I don’t want too. I feel excited when I get up, hoping this day will teach me something great, overcome some obstacles, make a desition. I just want to make sure I am doing one thing at a time. When I eat I should do just that. When I listen I should listen. Note to self.

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The future is there

Computers were never my thing. Not as a child and not as an adult. This romance began after school. I used to wonder how come people still make clothes with paper instead of working on a computer program. It is faster, smarter, save time and money- I only saw the benefits. For a whole month, I was struggling. Doing just that- trying. Now I know I was smart not giving up. The future is there. The time invested in learning was worth it. Hoping I will always listen to my inner voice even if I can barely hear it.

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“Social creatures”

It is not over but we are acting like it is. “The days after Coronavirus” they call it. After more than two months you were allowed to eat outside today. Not just a takeout, more like a full dinner out. It is not over yet, but you could see on the news people were out there. One of the interviewers said eating out is better than ordering in since “it’s fresher”. Maybe being out there brings back the focus on others than us (which is easier). Maybe because when we are outdoor we show our best self (as we love) otherwise how come we couldn’t get dressed this whole time in quarantine. No wonder why they call us “Social creatures”.

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Tears of happiness

I thought about brazil today. My favorite place in the world. The place that brought me tears of happiness. I was there on a trip with my friends when I was 26 years old. It was a trip of a lifetime. With not much you could see people are happy, satisfied with what they have got- Dancing like there is no tomorrow. If you were taking the bus, walking down the market or eating a fruit salad on the street you could feel it in the air- And it's amazing. I am thinking about you Brazil. Now more than ever. Hoping it will soon be over. 

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I wonder why

I wonder what it will be like in a year from now. I wonder if I'll be happy as I am today. I wonder if I'll still have hope. Deep down, I know I can do this. There are only a few brands doing laser-cut clothing and all of them are very different than mine, and I wonder why. I wonder if I am onto something or there is a catch. I haven't figured it out yet- but I am sure I will. Soon. 

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Who wants to be controlled by fear?

It became a habit this past year. If I need to make a decision, I am setting myself an accurate deadline. No excuses, no procrastination, no “second opinion” needed- I need to be ready with an answer. Just making it. These past few days I am not sure If I should go back to my open space studio or not. A lot of thoughts running through my head relentlessly. I have the corona to blame, justify the fact I am scared. But who wants to be controlled by fear? I know I don’t. We can't tell how it turns out to be anyway. 

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Even if no one is looking

I put nail polish every Saturday night. It has been like this since forever. No matter what, I dedicate these few minutes to take off the old and put on the new. It takes time but it is something simple that puts a smile on my face. Stating the new week with something “new” and fresh. The question is why I keep doing it with nowhere to go? Maybe I a freak of habits or maybe because It makes me feel better for a second. But I do know- sticking to my routine even if no one is looking- makes me happy.

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No “if” needed

I was sawing in my tiny room today. Too tiny to fit me, so cutting and sewing is an impossible mission- but I had no choice. I made it. Thinking about the unimaginable times I tried to make this pattern- and it still feels not perfect to me. I knew this is what I am going to do after school, so why didn’t I let one of my teachers check it? and spare the time and headache. "If only?", it was "if only" kind of day. Then, I open my notebook and started investigating. This purple folder of mine, to open it is just a dream. No “if” needed. I know I was made for this. 

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That is where learning begins

When I used to work in a big company every small problem I had I knew who would solve it for you. Now, it is all on me. I remember the days when my computer didn’t work- I didn’t need to figure it out, I just needed to go to the IT guys and they would fix it for me without even knowing what was the problem. Now I am also the IT. A little bit of crying, and a lot of trying. I will fix it- I know. I guess when you don’t have a choice that is where learning begins.

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Dream big

Dream big, they say. I am. I am dreaming of seeing it with the label on. With the package I have chosen, with the accuracy I have put into every single piece. I want to see it ready to be shipped- and be content. This is my current dream. In 6 months I will have another dream. Knowing I reached this current dream of mine. 

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Labels

Labels. I don’t like putting labels but that is what I do. He can be a doctor and we immediately raise our eyebrow thinking he is very smart. We will see her with tattoos all over her face and think she’s weird- but why is that?. Maybe because it is just easy. An easy way out for our brain and for us to organize information. But it is a habit and we can change a habit. I am who I am. What I do doesn’t define me, it is a part of me. Who I am makes what I do so much better. Remember that. 

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Running again

Should I go back to where I was two months ago? Back even if I feel I am not the same person anymore? In my head I know I need to move on but my heart wants different. Even if I got used to working by myself, is it healthy? Is it overthinking or is it me running again from another scary step I need to make.

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Happy.

For the past few weeks I am working on my social media profiles. No hiding anymore. Doing without any hesitation. For years I used to say “it is not me” but now I know I can’t do what I love the most without it. I started posting on my new brand account and people liked it! 3 likes on a picture and I am on the moon. 3 people saw my design, stopped scrolling, took their time to hit the like button because it made them feel something before moving on to the next thing- and I am so happy. Happy!!!

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I know it is going to work

I know it is going to work. I know it will sell and women are going to LOVE it. I know. But I wonder if I can do it faster, maybe skip some parts that I know are less important. I know I can’t, I just wonder why? I know I am scared to make mistakes that will cost me money, but I need to know someday it will happen anyway. 

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Teaching us about life

She is here. Explaining what she did over the past 3 weeks in the army. She can’t say much but when she says she sleeps only 4 hours a night- I believe her. We were sitting around the table, listening to her explaining what being meaningful is all about- and we were all looking at her with admiration. Not long ago we took her to the playground, give her candy without telling our mom- and now she is teaching us. Teaching us about life.

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Endless lessons

Jim Rohn said "Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don't wish you had less problems, wish you had more skills. Don't wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom". Thank you for the endless lessons. I needed to hear that today.  

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Tomorrow I will do it again

I was out there today- but I wasn’t. It was a beautiful day today, perfect weather and a good mood. I was keeping up with my schedule and decided to go for a walk with my mom. I can’t really tell you what happened, I just know I got choked up. Suddenly the outside world felt unfamiliar and I went back home. Tomorrow I will go out again. 

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You got this!

I wrote myself a note today hoping it will help me when times get tough because once you are out there- you need to be prepared. It says “no one will think about you for more than a second, then Try! and Try! and Try again! no matter what, stay in your lane. No one can sabotage it except you. Remember, at the end of the day It is not a matter of life or death, it is fashion. You got this!"

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Reflecting mode

I was there today. On reflecting mode. I don’t do it often. Seeing old pictures or reading something I wrote a long time ago is not really my thing- but since “posting” became my second name nowadays I read some of my posts- and let me tell you, it felt like a different lifetime. My schedule is the same. It is me and my computer. I haven’t seen a single movie or took the weekends off but everything else is so different. Too different.

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Love you mom.

You don’t know how to cook even though grandmother is the best, You rarely pull off a good outfit but you are most certainly the best mother in the world. For supporting me, my dream, my craziness, and epically for agreeing every time I am yelling “I am perfect” from my bedroom. You always told me “go, do, have fun because you can never know what will happen tomorrow” thank god I did. We did- and laughed the whole way through. Love you mom. 

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Practice patience

I saw today a picture I took 4 years ago. Nothing special. A picture of my feet standing in my happy place. Design School. I was working for a high tech company back then and took a course on Fridays. What made me get up early on Fridays, doing homework throughout the week, and practice patience? I was busy, I was tired, I worked hard but I did it anyway. Maybe I knew one day I will be brave enough. Four years later I am here. knowing exactly what I am doing. 

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We are not laughing

They laughed at her. I saw it through my car window. My mom was standing in line, waiting for our order while I was waiting in the car.  A few guys were standing next to her.  I saw her signing to the seller, wondering why he is not wearing any mask, he laughed- and with him all the guys outside. My mom is a hero because she stood there saying “what is “uncool” might save our lives”. I wonder if they will laugh in a few months from now. We are not. Not from the day it started.

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No sorry note, no nothing

If I’ll tell you I was at the garage today, would you believe me? I wouldn’t be surprised if you say "no" because we didn’t drive anywhere these past two months- but I did. Someone broke my car mirror. Broke it and a drove off. No sorry note, no nothing.  It was a reminder that life never really stopped in the first place. The fact that we were home doesn’t mean everything can’t be broken. Today a got a reminder of it. 

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One day at a time

I wonder what they think. I mean, I am doing it for a year now. I have a few supporters and plenty of skeptics. The ones who what to tell you on the phone that they were right. They want to hear it is hard and you are struggling. I am not. I don’t care about your kind words nor do I care about your bad behavior. My happiness is affected by my progress, education and accomplishments. One day at a time.

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Nothing here is easy

“Of course you want to go back there. They know you, they respect you, they trust you- it is easier to go back to a place like that” My mom said after I mumbled I want to go back, back to the open space. She was wrong. I will never choose something because it is “easier”. Yes, starting over in a new place will not be easy but so as staying in the same place. Easier was never my thing, after all I am here…

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It's not a game of boredom, it's life

If you were looking outside your window today, you saw people. As the restrictions were off, people were out. From now everywhere you will go, people will follow you. They will check your temperature, take your social and phone number- because that is the only way to half-freedom. Will you spend money on things that aren’t necessary? Will you change your habits or it is just bigger than you? will you go back to who you were 6 weeks ago or not? I wonder if we learned something about us, about life. In the end, it's not a game of boredom, it's life.

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I have it all inside my head

I took my stuff from the studio today. I am not ready to go back yet. I am too scared. I took the heart I got from a friend next to my sewing machine, my books from the locker, my emotions from my brain. I used to get attached to places. Looking back and reminisce. Today I did it differently. No slow motions, no over thinking, no emotions, and believe me, it was my favorite spot. I was there, every day for the past year. On this table I sketched my dreams who became a reality. I don’t know if I will go back. I just know I have all I need inside my head. The memories, the joy, and the capabilities. No matter where I am.

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The only way to freedom

A little bird got stuck in our fireplace stove today. How did she get there? I have no idea but I do know it is small, dark and stressful. I felt for her. I mean, who doesn’t want to be free?!. After a few hours and plenty of strategies we took her out and she tweeted the whole way to freedom. You could tell she was scared but this unpleasantness, was a necessary step to freedom. Maybe we should think so too. We wonder how we got here, it’s unpleasant but that is the only way to freedom. Stay home.

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Let's talk about love

Let's talk about love. What do I know about love? Nothing- And I wonder how will that go after this era in life. Will I go out to a bar wondering if someone sneezes close to my face. Will I meet you in a restaurant wondering if the people cooking our food were sick or not. Work keeps me busy, a perfect excuse justifying the fact I am running from another aspect in life, not less important. I wonder how it turns out to be because- I want to. Love.

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