Smile big

Saturday morning. I am in my car, driving to work. Listening to some music, drinking my ice coffee. I am happy. No one forced me to go to work today. I choose to go. This is not a fake happy trying to justify my decision or trying to prove something to anyone. This is real happiness. The one who makes you smile. Smile big. 

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More “room” for other things

No rethinking. When I started this journey I decided I am going to stick to some roles. One of them was committing to making a decision up until an accurate time and date. Once I made my decision, I am going to stick to it. No questions asked, no second thoughts, no rethinking. Now I have more “room” for other things.

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One thing at a time

"Start with one thing, give it your all. Once it's out there succeeding, start something else". They all say it. I get it, it's better to give your all to one instead of giving parts of you to a couple. Even though I always say "who needs to sleep?" -it doesn’t work that way. Be focused. You can make baby steps in other things but make sure you are focused on one thing at a time.

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The one who matters most

Sometimes I feel like I need a change of scenery. This is no high tech surroundings or facilities, this is low tech and the view will never be different. We are talking about physical work, long hours of standing, carrying heavy fabrics, activities that require you to be always on the go. This is not a place for high heel looks, good looking lounge, or a fancy coffee. So even if I miss it sometimes, I need to always remember the one who matters most: Do you have there the tools to bring your ideas to life?. 

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Laser focus

Laser focus. I wish every day was like that. A long list of tasks was in front of me this morning, now it is all marked as complete. No procrastination, no rescheduling, no excuses. All tasks were completed on time. I know I can't expect every day to be like that but how fantastic it feels when it does.

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Pay the money.

When it comes to money, I get paralyzed. It's a complicated relationship we have since I was a little girl and I haven’t overcome it, yet. I will always look for a good bargain and rather do it myself than pay someone else. Unfortunately, your time does cost money and even if you can do it all- you shouldn’t. That is not how you build a business. Pay the money. 

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"You’re talented"

I got an email today. One lovely lady who watched the picture I posted yesterday, sent me this message "Hey!! Just wanted to say I love your designs. You’re talented". I was so happy, I wanted to write here about my hopes and dreams, my struggles, the uncertainty- but I didn’t. I told her she made my day but it was so much more than that. Thank you for your kind words, it may seem like a small gesture but it was so much more than that. 

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Think again

I posted one of my designs today. After 3 hours 2,800 people watched it. This is unbelievable. This aspect is necessary for every business these days and it's the one who scares me the most. I know it, I got proof and still- I am running away from it. Think again. 

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No pangs of conscience

Sometimes I wonder why can't I do it faster. I get mad when people ask me for how long I have been doing this and when is it going to be "ready". I am not going to hurry. Especially not now, and I don’t want to beat myself up for not doing it faster. Even if I could. What's done, is done. Look ahead, with no pangs of conscience.

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Too comfortable?

It is too comfortable, and that is exactly why I need to leave. I love it there. It's been my second home for the past year. But all of the above doesn’t mean I should stay. Maybe there is another place I can call home? Maybe I will be happier? Maybe feeling comfortable means it’s time to move on. 

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"Beginner's luck"

“Beginner's luck,” she said and I smiled. Sometimes I get embarrassed by the question, “for how long have you been doing this for?”. It's been I while. A journey full of mistakes, trying different things, and non- stop learning. Now I am getting close, and I want everything to be ready “yesterday”. Needless to say, it doesn’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. But I guess sometimes those setbacks become a blessing. This time it saved me a lot of money. Just breath. 

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But "maybe it will"

I was very frustrated these past few weeks. Non-responding suppliers, Low lever performance, and no deadline commitment. I was confused. It's a big market, plenty of competition, middle of a world pandemic, and yet- not many are eager to take the job, and deliver as requested. why? Maybe instead of saying “it’s not worth it”, say “maybe it will”.

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Just sit down.

I used to be paralyzed by them. Now they give me energy, more efficiency in my daily routine. I work better when the page is full. I guess we can change. We can change our mindset, habits, and character. All we need is to sit down. There is always something new to learn, something fascinating to investigate, something we can contribute. Just sit down. 

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Dream making table

I was so happy to be back. Working at my dream-making table. Back to my painted reality. So no matter you didn’t answer the phone for the third time, ignoring my emails, or disrespecting my work and effort - I am smiling. The most important thing is inside my head- and no one can take that away from me. I can figure out the rest. 

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Back to the office

Tomorrow I am going back. Back to the office. To my open space, my machines, my second home. One of my closest friends asked me “how can you work at home?” and I answered, “when you don’t have a choice- you find a way". And I did. I can’t tell what I missed the most, but just thinking about driving to work tomorrow- makes me smile. 

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Patience.

I dream about machines. Tools I need and can’t afford, tools that prevent me from moving forward at my pace. Being dependent on others in order to get the final result, is frustrating. But patience is the name of the game. Hoping someday I will get to see those machines, in real life. Patience. 

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No hoping, deciding.

It’s been a tough day yesterday. A big purchase that caused anxiety, a random text that got me overthinking, and a non- cooperative suppliers. I lost it. but I knew there is nothing to do except deciding tomorrow will be better. No hoping, deciding. And so it was. 

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Forever grateful.

I am working on my computer. Your voice is coming out of my phone but it feels like you are right here. Teaching me, as always. Sometimes I answer my own questions with your “voice” and words inside my head. Lucky me. You are my hero. My mentor from afar, and for that I am and forever will be- grateful. 

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Pushing towards justice

It's not about a contract, justice, or law- it’s about people. The only level that counts, the only level that really matters. I was waiting for it- and I lost it. I can keep on fighting, but you could tell by their reaction no law or signed contract bothered them, not even their own words. Pushing towards justice will cost you. The question is - are you willing to pay?.

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My kind of heroes.

I could believe it. We texted a few times and I sent her a Semple- looking to see her work. Not only she didn’t want any money for it, she sent it back -paying for it. I was Speechless. No-fuss, no show. Nice gesture expecting nothing in return. My kind of heroes.

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I can feel it.

I dream about my future team. I don’t want them to be perfect. I want them to be professional and kind. If I sent you an email, tell me you got it. If you have a better offer, let me know and organize accordingly. I am willing to pay more, but to the right people. People who care. And I will find them. I can feel it. 

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Set a date, decide, and move on.

I have postponed this task for a very long time. Designing my own logo was a work in progress. I didn’t trust anyone to do it but I couldn’t decide by myself. Yes, you want everything to be perfect. You want to be pleased with the end result but the logo, is not the actual product. It’s a symbol “sitting” on your garment. You might find something better with time, but this is not the answer. Set a date, decide, and move on. Done.

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100% sure.

I am sure. 100% sure. I trust myself and I know I can do this. They will sell. I can feel it and I am already thinking about my next move. Rarely I get to think “what if?”- but sometimes I do. I know if it doesn’t work, I will think harder. Be better. Stay in your lane lady. No distractions needed.  

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There is always something you can do better.

“Did you finish?”. My mom asks me that question 10 times a day. She doesn’t know it a never-ending game.  I sent my dream email today, 100 pieces of my heart and soul to one of my suppliers, and got another call about a bad execution of another one. There is no done. There is always something you can do better. 

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It’s here. And it's beautiful.

It’s here. A sample of my well planned, over-designed garment. It's in front of my face, the final product and I am happy. Very happy. Trying to stay focus on the result. Money or profit is not an issue at the moment. The final product is. Don’t let it distract you, we are not there yet. 

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Don't let it slip away

I remember that call as if it was yesterday. It was my first call introducing myself to my team in India. My computer didn’t work until the last minute, I had to book another office and there were so many people on that call- I was nerves. Someone asked me, "what can you tell us about yourself?" and I said, “I can sit for 10 hours in a row…”. They all laughed. Till this day I think it's my superpower.  Don't let it slip away.

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Another feature of being scared

I am almost there. Sending those four well-organized emails with my work for the past year. My designs, emotions, dedication, and hard work is there. It's been a long journey. Long journey of double-checking, “perfectionist” excuses, and "striving for perfection" aka hiding. In the last two days, I have been working at a different pace, slower. It's done. Send it already. The slow movement it another feature of being scared. 

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“Purpose-driven life”

“Purpose-driven life”, I wrote that on my wall of wisdom. It is in front of my face, next to my bad, it's my best view, my progress. I taped a big paper sheet on my wall on March 15th, when my bedroom became my office due to COVID. Now, this wall is full of notes, sentences, words who inspire me, make me think harder, and show me the progress I have made- Sometimes I can't believe it myself.

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What do we care about?

On every news website, you can see the number of sick, hospitalized, and dead people. Unfortunately, you will see people going to the beach when they are infected, take a walk without a mask, and laugh at people who wear them. “It is not going to happen to me” is a well-known vibe but where is your humanity, your conscience. Knowing you can take someone’s life. If we don't care about this, what do we care about?

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Problem-solving

“I could sleep all day” I told my little sister at the elevator after making a mistake that cost me a whole working day. she answered, “You know that is not true”. I know she is right. She is always right. It is a problem-solving journey. And that is the name of the game.  

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“If only?”

“If only?” is a bug I am trying to get rid of. It is unuseful, draining, and time-consuming. I love double checking, making sure the person in front of me got it, but sometimes it looks like I don't trust. Today the trust I gave cost me, not only money. There is no “if only?”. Take responsibility and move on.

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