Excitement

This yellow measuring ribbon is in my bag for more than two years now but I still can't believe it. I always thought I wasn’t brave enough but in reality- I was. I am. Hoping I will forever have that excitement. From every step, every milestone, every purchase. At the end of the day, this is why I am doing it for. 

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Think again

I said I wouldn't start anything else before I know I am on the right track. But I did. This is not me trying to prove something to someone, nor thinking it's a good idea to do it at the moment. But, it's bigger than me. I am not sure you will ever see it, but when I look at it I know I learned something I always wanted.  

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"Sounds better"

I no longer compare. Not to the old "me" nor my older status. Society may think it's better to work in a big company, but I chose this risk-taking road. For a very long time, I used to compare. Thinking what "sounds" better is better. Now I know titles don’t define me. It's the other way around. 

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Dear grandmother

I am watching her, through the kitchen window. She is lighting candles, praying for god. She had a hard life and yet, she never says "why me?". She is thankful, praying for her loved ones from the bottom of her heart. You could tell by the look on her face, by her facial expressions, she's grateful. With no questions asked. My hero. 

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A dream in a box

I put it all in a box. Long hours of work, a well-planned designs, unbelievable joy and effort- they were all in that box. Ninety pieces from the bottom of my heart were sent to manufacturing. Now they have it all and I have zero control. I explained all the details, sent a well-organized manual but I wouldn't know until I see it. In the meantime, I am imagining you ladies, sewing my dreams. 

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And I wouldn't want it any other way

It's madness. Every time I wake up in the morning, I can't believe I am actually doing it. That this is my life. The endless tasks and changes, the uncertainty, the doubt, and fear. The un-predicted future and overwhelming routine. I was born for it. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Lucky me.

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Journey

On this special day I think about you. The people who made me smile when I had tears in my eyes. Who believed in me from day one and became my "team" in this lonely journey. And to so many people who without even knowing my name reached out with pure generosity looking to help. I know I am here because of you. Forever grateful.  

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Have it all.

When you double-check and "save yourself" a big mistake, are you thankful for a minute or rushing to the next thing? When you put your arm on your fabric on your way to work do you remember the days you were only dreaming about this life? Now, when the game is on, I am more scared than ever. The "what if" is hunting me. But when I see it, all packed and ready to go I know- I will have it all. 

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Pretend it is

If you see me, waiting in line to return something, you would probably wouldn't recognize my voice. I always feel anxious even though I paid for it and have every right. Practice doing things that are "not you" that's my answer. Pretend it is. It's easier to do the things that are "me" but I am going in the other direction, where the growth begins. 

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You don't need anyone to believe in you – but YOU.

I can't even explain in words how it makes me feel when I see it. There are 90 of them. 90 tops I have put my heart and soul in every curve line and every notch. You have never seen anything like that, and I am not sure you would even take a second look but all I can say is that it's exactly how I saw it in my dreams. I guess, in life, you don’t need anyone to believe in you – but YOU.

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Smile forever

When you're celebrating something, do you think about all the things you have or what's missing? Will you smile even though everything around you is so messed up? Will you be mad if no one asks how are you when you're always asking. No matter what, you don’t need anyone's permission to smile, even if everyone else around you is wondering why. 

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Very happy.

It's late. I am at work and it's quiet. It's been a big day today but I didn’t lose it. I always knew I will figure it out but I loved the way I handled it. I stuck to my routine, doing what I always do. It's not me acting as if "I am never be pleased" this is me- thinking about the next step. Hoping, it will always be like that. 

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Deadline

"Work with a deadline," they said but I refused to listen. "When I will finish, I will finish" I answered. Needless to say, that word doesn’t exist in the business world. There is always something to improve, and we can always try a different approach. Don't hide. There will forever be endless choices to choose from. Now it's the time to choose and move on.  

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It hearts because- I care.

"You better go back working for a high-tech company" he said. I walked back to my office thinking how strong I am to not tear up. I even smiled on the way out saying to myself "another one to add to the non-supporters team"- but it hearts. It hearts even if I am stronger than I used to be. It hearts because I care. It heart because I really believe I have something good in my hands. 

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You better fall than hide

Sometimes I feel like I am going around in circles. It is scary. It's a big step towards the unknown but I know I can make it. I will fall but being in the hiding zone-is worse. You better fall than hide. If you fall it means you are doing progress. Hiding is standing in place. You can't lose there but you can't win either- and we didn’t come this far for that. 

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Only You

You are not your parents, not your friends nor your heroes. You are you. The one and only you. Even if for a minute, you may think you'll get the same outcome or copy the same behavior- think again. We have the ability to embrace new outlooks, adopt new behaviors, and routine. We can always improve our skills and work towards a better future. No one has the ability to dictate that- but you. 

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"I am already succeeding"

"I am already succeeding" I answered. "But don’t you want to buy things?" she asked. "I do, but I chose that road” I answered. The road of calculated mindset, modesty living, and awareness towards what is important and what isn't. Needless to say, I am feeling successful even if my bank account doesn’t show that, yet.

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It is always better to think it will, than it won’t.

Can you commit to this long journey even if you don’t know what’s ahead? Do you say to yourself "everything is going to be O.K." even if there are no guarantees? Do you believe he is out there, waiting for you when you can’t even imagine it? No one can predict the future, but it is always better to think it will than it won’t.

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We can all be better- together

We judge. We judge people by the way they walk, the way they talk, and almost everything else that we care about. We might see the world differently but instead of looking at the similarity along the differences, We seek to point the differences- Asking who is better. This is not a competition. We can all be better- together. 

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"Look like"

"You look sad", she said. Remember "look like" doesn’t mean anything. It is a picture people get by so many pieces of information. Most of them have nothing to do with you. So when It happens, remember it belongs to the person in front of you- not you.

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Everything is a risk

There is always a risk. Everything is a risk. "The safe road is fiction not reality", I tell myself while trying to decide. Each one has it's own disadvantages. I can spread my sheet, looking down the pros and cons forever. None of them will be a safe bet. Because there is no safe bet.

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Act as if

Sometimes you just need to pretend. This is not a lie nor a way to trick the person in front of you. This is life. Are you acting the same when you are at work as when you are at home? Are you talking to a customer as you talk to a supplier?. Sometimes I am not in the mood but a great achievement will be to act as if I do. Deliver the behavior expected. Because at the end of the day- It not only for others, it's for you too. 

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It’s lonely

It’s lonely. No matter the amount of satisfaction. No matter how eager you are to start your day, the feeling of pure happiness and endless growth- it’s lonely. It's about lifting your spirit up with kind words, to laugh when you want to cry, to be your own best friend despite your endless mistakes. I miss it, being part of a group. Working with a team, thinking together. Now, Keep going and never say never.

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Maybe there is no “best way”

On Saturdays, I am trying to plan my weekly schedule hoping I will not waste any time making those decisions during the week. Just implementing. When trying to build my schedule, make it more productive, more organized, more efficient – I get overwhelmed. Maybe there is no “best way”. Maybe there are a few "best ways". Going through those options doesn’t promise you anything. Mistakes will come in every one of them. Decide and follow along. 

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Become better

Did you learn something new this week, something you didn’t know last week?. Did you do something that scares you? Did you manage to figure out how to solve a problem? To overcome a bad vibe?. Maybe you handled a conflict with confidence and grace? If you did, even one them. You did good. That is how you become better. 

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Maybe it is. Keep going

And now there are three. A year ago I bought my first roll of fabric. He was sitting next to me in my car and I was so emotional. For sticking to what I believe in, for making a decision and committing to it. For betting on myself. Today I drove to work with three. It doesn’t mean anything yet, I know. But maybe it is. Keep going.

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Look up

It is raining right now, I am on the third floor next to a big window. My designs are spread on my favorite table and it is quiet. No one is here yet. I have my ice coffee in my hand, and I can see my car enjoying his free car wash by nurture.  I guess you don’t need much to be happy. look up. Look outside. Sometimes that is all we need to be happy. 

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Wherever you go, they will follow

I am capable of making that design not because I have a big table at work. Stepping out of my house door in the morning doesn't mean I am more productive. Having a workplace addressee doesn’t mean you actually work. My mind, my soul, my spirit, my enthusiastic personality, my happiness. Those are the things that matter most. Wherever you go, they will follow. Don't let anything break you.   

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Change your path

They don’t answer. No deadline is being promised nor a proper explanation. When I started this journey, I wanted everything to be local. I wanted to feel the fabrics with my own hands, to choose the right people to work with, be involved in the process from start to finish. The other alternative is focusing on the design, send it via excel sheet to a place far away from here, and get the final product. I want it to be good. I want my customer to know he got the best I could give him. Even if it means I need to change my path.  

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Breath, nothing stays the same.

Sometimes I feel like I need to be the old version of me. The new me is a little bolder, says what she thinks, and doesn’t like everybody. Why does it feel like it's wrong? We grow up, we change, we involve- who says we need to stay the same. Breath, nothing stays the same. 

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