I’m in bed, looking at the ceiling, a bag of chips is on my belly and I can barely feel my legs. I don’t need a summary, nor a grocery list for next year. "Every day is a birthday" as my mom keeps saying. Every day of me pushing my limits, every day I fail but still keep on going, every day I keep the bad thoughts away and focus on those that really matter. Every single day.
Thursday, December 31, 2020
Wednesday, December 30, 2020
Now is the perfect time to start
I write about my life, I write about my journey. I answer questions about fashion, and I tweet sometimes, letting you know what I am thinking about. But now comes the hardest part. The one I run away from. The one I need to do the most. Remember, Now is the perfect time to start.
Tuesday, December 29, 2020
Your business- your call.
Even if you already know the answer- You can ask, you can listen. You don’t have to change your mind. You don’t need to get stress by someone saying his option. "Older and wiser" don’t always count. If you see it in your eyes, if you think you should pay for it- do it. Your business- your call.
Monday, December 28, 2020
Strive for satisfaction. Not perfection.
One shooting day, five hours, six looks. Will it be exactly how I saw it in my dreams. Will I get more looks than I expected. Will it happen without any last-minute changes. Probably not. Noting is perfect. Not in real life nor in a fancy studio. Strive for better. For very good. For satisfaction. Not perfection.
Sunday, December 27, 2020
Priceless
This is priceless. This is happiness. These are the moments that make you feel alive. I am looking at her talking, She’s telling us stories. When you hear her speak you can’t help but admire her. You feel lucky to have her as a family member. As a sister. A gift. The name I gave her since she was a little girl.
Saturday, December 26, 2020
"New" me
It was a surprise. A very good surprise and I was so emotional. Emotional to see them because sometimes I miss the old me, the teamwork, the human connection. "Will they remember you when you are gone?" I always wondered and I couldn't be happier. But there is no old me and “new” me- it’s time, experience, growth. It’s life.
Friday, December 25, 2020
The question is why do I even care?
"Why do you even care?" she asked me. And she is right. I shouldn’t care. They say good morning at 3:30 PM, they come to work but play around, they go out for long breaks and drink while working. I am not. When I am working, I am working. There is no right or wrong way. The question is why do I even care?.
Thursday, December 24, 2020
The possibilities I didn’t know exist.
It’s a madhouse. It is crowded, messy, and full of people. It is loud and sometimes I can't even hear myself thinking- but I have all the mornings to myself. And that is when the magic happens. Some days I will have my own place. My own table and peace of mind. But in the meantime, I should look at the benefits, the possibilities I didn’t know exist.
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
And I have plenty.
“You know my birthday is in two weeks?” I told her. She looked at me with her worried face. My career is not on top of her mind. She wants me to get married, have kids. But if you saw me lately, you could tell- I have never been happier. It’s not what I don’t have. It’s what I do have. And I have plenty.
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
Pick up the phone
I am hiding. Doing pants for unplanned shooting day is hiding. I am scared and that is me stalling. I will need to invest that money eventually- so way wait. I can't wait forever. Maybe going fast now would be a great idea. Like a bandaid. Doing it fast will make it go away sooner. Pick up the phone. Do those calls, and make the fear go away.
Monday, December 21, 2020
Those days
Those days are
my favorites. The days I am trying different things. Touching different materials.
Standing next to the cutting table. Thinking. Sketching. Sewing. Those days are
the ones who bring me joy. Who makes me proud. The endless ideas
and the process of implementing them- those are the days I am living for. Lucky me.
Sunday, December 20, 2020
Focus on selling one, first.
You usually schedule a shooting day, chose your favorite photographer and model after you have inventory. I don’t. I have 50 shirts to sell and no manufacture. They say “it is too hard”. I know this is not the right way to run a business. But maybe there is no one right way. Maybe I shouldn’t think about selling plenty. Maybe I should focus on selling one, first.
Saturday, December 19, 2020
Friday, December 18, 2020
I here, for the long run.
I haven’t sold anything yet, but I am here. Sitting next to my clothing rack feeling proud, proud for not giving up. Proud for believing In myself. A year ago it was just an idea, now it an actual product- and for that, I need to be proud. I am learning, I am watching, I am interacting- and they are all important. It is not just selling. There is no “just”. No “if only”. Reminding myself I here, for the long run.
Thursday, December 17, 2020
Wednesday, December 16, 2020
Wish me luck
I am packing the gloves and headbands in a mini bag, thinking this is “shipping creative work”. Tomorrow you will see it and I am curious to hear what you have to say. I am looking forward to interact with you, see what you love the most and why. You don’t have to buy, just look. Look at my creative work. No compromising. This is exactly how I saw it in my dreams.
Tuesday, December 15, 2020
I will find a way.
It's been crazy trying to pull off everything for this last-minute sale but I am not giving up- I know I will do it the way I planned. And for that- I am proud. No matter what you think, no matter what you say- I know I will figure something out. Always.
Monday, December 14, 2020
Exactly how I imagined it
I am not wondering if people will buy it, I am not thinking about how I would feel if they won't. I am only thinking about the way it will look. Will it be exactly how I imagined it. Exactly how I saw it in my dreams.
Sunday, December 13, 2020
I am here to listen.
This weekend my clothes will be out there. I will be able to tell you "look, I made this". It will be out there, waiting for your input, your observation, your burst of emotions. I might be hiding behind the clothing rack but please tell me what you think because- I am here to listen.
Saturday, December 12, 2020
I know we can.
Everything comes from the brain. The emotion we have, the beliefs we gathered throughout the years, our thoughts. They all come from pictures we remember, old memories, and life experiences. Sometimes I wonder if we can break the pattern. If we can make the changes we didn’t see in our own eyes. I hope we can. I know we can.
Friday, December 11, 2020
I promise.
I will not sell it just because I have it. I will not sell it if I wouldn’t buy it myself. And don’t tell me "others do" because I am not "others". I will not take any shortcuts, I never did. I will sell you the best of me, if not- I will not sell at all. I promise.
Thursday, December 10, 2020
Not going to give up
When you lose money, it hurts. I knew it would be hard for me to deal with, knowing it was my fault. The next day I took a white piece of paper and started writing. Plan B, C, and D were on that paper-and It made me feel better. There is always another way. I made it this far, I am not going to give up. I haven’t even started.
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
Tears are not going to help you, work will.
What can we do
when we lose control. I haven’t slept for one minute, feeling my heart beating rapidly.
I knew it could happen, I prepared myself for it, but experience it in real-time is hard. My tears are running through my face, but I am here. At work. And
it is the best choice I could make today.
My fault only.
This is my fault. My fault only. I thought those two words "no-iron" were not necessary and yet today they cost me so much. I am sitting in bed, my hands are on my face and I waiting for someone to wake me up. Hoping it can be saved. And if not, I hope I could push through. Two words. One big mistake.
Monday, December 7, 2020
A day to remember.
It’s going to be here by tomorrow. And I can’t restrain my enthusiasm. Will I be pleased? Will it be as I saw it in my dream? Will I tear up while checking every one of them? I am sitting in my car now, smiling. Dreaming about a good day tomorrow. A day to remember.
Sunday, December 6, 2020
Birthdays
I will be celebrating my 35th birthday in a month and I couldn’t be more at peace. I used to be scared by birthdays, ask myself if I am pleased with what I have got and what is missing. I will not be doing it this year. I am happy every day. With the things I have and those that are missing.
Saturday, December 5, 2020
Believe they care
All the ifs were here, inside my head this weekend. What if it turns out bad? What if I couldn't sell it?. I want to trust them, but trust is a long term game. And I only just begun. I want to believe they care. That they put their mind into every piece, and high quality is their way of work. Don’t let the ifs get you distracted. Hope for great result, think positive. This is always better than the other option.
Friday, December 4, 2020
Be willing to pay it.
I know I will need to get help someday. I will need to trust someone else and welcome him into my world. There is no other choice. It's not a yes or no question. It is a necessity. I need to learn how to let go, in order to grow. I don’t have to, nothing is mandatory. But if you want to do it right, this is the price you have to pay. Be willing to pay it.
Thursday, December 3, 2020
Different story
If you are in the fashion industry- you know it. It's a big building. You can see how this industry works just by looking at it. It's chaotic, messy, and fast Pace- just the way I like it. A year ago I was quiet, scared, and hesitant. I didn’t know what I was looking for, hoping someone will tell me. Today, it was a different story. I am different. And I couldn’t be more proud.
Wednesday, December 2, 2020
See you soon.
Where are you?. On my drives back home I think of you. Are you with your friends right now, wishing I was there with you. Are you having a good day hoping you had someone to share it with? I know you are out there, waiting for me. I am not sure where I will find you, but I know I will. See you soon.
Tuesday, December 1, 2020
Complete opposites
You think you know what people think about you, but you don’t always get it right. "To the coolest nerd we have ever met". They wrote me a letter on a paper bag full of candies. And that was my favorite sentence. Not the "don’t forget about us when you will get rich" or "don't forget those you worked with days and nights". You can be both things, even if they are the complete opposites.
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